Purest Folly

Rebecca. 21. VA.

Intelligent yet folly prone, but aren't we all at some point?


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Hey, it's the same anon again :) Thank you so much for your advice, it has really helped me. I have talked to my friends and my mum and they are all very supportive, so no matter what happens I know I have the support to handle it. It's just the guilt, really. Thank you so much for your kindness, it means more than I could ever say! I just want to know the results so so badly. I will message you off anon when I get them :)

A question by Anonymous

I’m so happy that you have such a good group or friends and your mom to stand by you! Support is incredibly important. And I’m glad I could help at least a little. You have nothing to be guilty about though; I hope you don’t beat yourself up about this whole thing! Best of luck and I’ll hear from you soon :)

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A question by Anonymous

Thanks, anon!

Put ‘unf’ in my ask if you find me attractive

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A question by Anonymous

Oh my!! :*

Put ‘unf’ in my ask if you find me attractive

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A question by Anonymous

Well thank yooouuuu! :3

Put ‘unf’ in my ask if you find me attractive

Put ‘unf’ in my ask if you find me attractive.

sexti0n:

*anxiously waits for the zero messages i’ll get*

(via integratedminds)

1/2 hey! i've come to you for advice before and you're always so great at it, so i was hoping you might be able to lend me some more wisdom :) about 3.5 months ago, i was seeing this guy. after we had had sex, he told me he'd been overseas and while there had slept with a prostitute. he claimed that he used a condom and that he had blood tests done. i believed him and decided not to worry about getting an HIV test. but today i woke up freaking out that he passed HIV on to me.

A question by Anonymous

2/2 I know it sounds really really stupid of me not to have an HIV test, and it was. I just believed him and he put my mind at ease. I ended up parting ways with him. Now I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for about a month, and he’s so so lovely. I can live with myself if I’ve contracted HIV because it’s my mistake, but now I have put my new boyfriend at risk. I honestly feel like I’ve potentially ruined his life. I get the results of the test this Tuesday. I just needed to tell someone.

First of all let me apologize for having to take an extra day to answer this. 

Secondly, I really appreciate you having the courage to share your story with me, even on anon. I am touched at your kind words about trusting me to give solid advice <3 

Ok, here we go…

Please know that it’s the guy’s fault for not being up front with you in first place. He should have said something before having sex with you, especially if he claimed he was clean, because if he was (is) then why hide his past exploits? Openness is the key to most any healthy, working relationship. If he had been up front it would have then given you an extra nudge towards making him get tested so you could see the results to be sure. Unfortunately when we care for someone we want to trust them, and we’re all so scared of offending each other by questioning what they say (the “truth”) that safety can be tossed to the side. We want to believe them when they say they’ve been tested and are clean of all potential dangers that could be passed along, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but if you love someone and they love you then they shouldn’t ever be offended by you needing proof about anything. Impatience also plays a part in this scenario and many others, I’m sure. Who wants to wait for a test when you’re in the heat of the moment? I did the same thing with Colin, actually. He’s had multiple times the number of partners I’ve had, but instead of insisting on seeing a clean bill of health directly from a doctor before we slept together, I took his word on it that he’d been tested before and was clean. He was telling the truth, but not everyone does, which is a shame. What I’m getting at is that if the outcome of your test is positive, as in you are infected, I don’t want you to blame yourself. Please please please don’t beat yourself up over it; instead try to move forward. This is crucial. You can take responsibility for not pushing for a test, but hindsight is 20/20, and, again, when you’re with someone it can almost feel like you’re saying you don’t trust them if you insist on denying sex until they get tested. There is NOTHING wrong with doing that though in the future, and it can be beneficial to all involved, just to be on the safe side. All you can do is learn from this situation, regardless of the outcome.

My advice is to be upfront with your new boyfriend. He can be a rock and a solid support system for you while you wait for the results of the test. This could also help prepare both of you for the possibility, however slim it may be, that you were infected; this is preferable in my opinion to you simply having to spring the news on him come Tuesday. If you don’t feel comfortable telling him right now though then wait until you get the results. If it’s negative then all is well and he doesn’t necessarily need to know about what happened, although I think it’s never a bad idea to be open with your current partner about past encounters you’ve had. If it’s positive then you guys will have to talk it out and evaluate your options/risk factors. I’m not sure what those would be, but I’m sure some quick Googling will turn up some percentages and support groups for people in your situation. Don’t be afraid to seek help and connect with others who are going through the same thing as you! Here is a list of HIV/AIDS hotlines by state, in case you need it.

At this point I would just try not to stress too badly!! You have no idea if the prostitute had any health problems to begin with, plus your past partner was smart enough to use protection which diminished (but did not negate) his chances of catching something. Take everything in stride and know that whatever the outcome you have people here for you! I hope this helped at least a little bit. Positive healing vibes your way <3

Feel perfectly free to come off anon to chat at any time; I’m always here to listen and never to judge.